A new place quietly opened up near my house in the past month.

It’s called the “BWI Food Court,” located right next to the world’s worst Starbux location.

Generally, I get excited about anything new right near me (and I can’t wait for the new shopping plazas supposedly planned… think similar to the ones all around arundel mills). The less distance I have to drive, the better.

Anyways, I noticed people going in and out of it the other day, and anxiously took to google to find out what exactly it is. The first problem is the name. googling bwi food court ends up with more results for, you guessed it, the food courts in the actual damned airport. But eventually I found a phone number.

*ring ring*

“Hello?”

(wait… hello? wtf. and do I need to specify the accent was indian-esque?)

“Ummmmm, yes, is this BWI Food Court?”

“Yes.”

“Do you guys have a website?”

(puts phone down, hear lots of terrorist chatter, picks phone back up) “Um, no, no.”

“oh ok. ummm, what exactly, are you? Are you like a mini grocery store, like a mart kinda thing like 7-11?”

“ohhhh, yes. we have food. THE CANDY (yeah, he said “the candy”). and a restaurant.”

“wait. You have a restaurant?”

“yes.”

“awesome. thank you.” (hangup)

I immediately texted Evan, because now I’m excited. Food place, which has THE candy, and a restaurant, all wrapped up in one tiny little store? We are sooo going to have dinner there, as a dare, once we have a 48 hour free window to recover from all THE E.Coli.

I’m not 100% sure how this all came about, but somehow, Eric, Hal, and myself are one week into a 3 month contest. And how do you win? By being the ridiculously best looking. Pretty vague. That said, the three of us are all hard core working out now, and munching on broccoli.

We didn’t even bother to name judges for this competition. Though for the most part, it’s been assumed it would be Eric’s friends (hey if you’re interested, hit me up). And before you say “not fair!,” I’m pretty confident that of those named, I have them all in my pocket… or at least enough dirt on them that it would be foolish of them to not vote for me.

Of course, I could always just win the damned thing. We locked in our body fat percentages (not a criteria for winning, but gives us a good idea where we’re at) a week ago. Me? 18.59%. Eric? 20%. haha. fat assed trainer.

The sad thing is, if you use my body fat calculations, and make me 10 years younger (so, ummm, 15), I’d be at 15.4%. My goal is to be athlete, which is 13%. Nevermind the fact that’s for a chick athlete. It’s athlete nonetheless. Gender equality people, especially when it comes to fitness.

The problem with all of this is I have days like yesterday… where I do everything right during the day, but then find myself on a krispy kreme run at 10pm while consuming two bags of chips (go utz!).

So far there are only two rules. One, no steroids. And two, what we call the “Hal rule,” you can’t get lipo the day before judging (instituted because Hal is ridiculously jacked… it’s just covered up by a nice layer of, ummm, fluffiness… and he soooo would go get the procedure done the day before).
_____________________________________________

The new tv I want is finally coming out next month. It was supposed to be out in July, but got pushed to mid august. And yes, we’re talking about 92 inches of mitsubishi glory.

Of course, if I were to become a first-adopter, I have to pay out my ass… $6,000 to be exact. And I know full well it will be half of that come Xmas. While lamenting this to Hal, he said that if I make $200k during earnings season (started today!), I can get it. And yes, that is a super unrealistic goal… but I’m gonna try.

Yeah it’s taken me over a week to rest and relax after the So You Think crew (and if you want to be “in,” that’s what they all call the show). We all tore it up last Friday night in Bmore (Mosaic of course, is there anywhere else?)… and lucky you I ganked some pics from Kristie’s camera to post here.

I have some more professional photos coming of us with them, but you’ll have to wait on those. For now, enjoy the embarrassing wreck of a mess below. And yes, I even put a pic up of me all jersey-shore-esque… only because you can see how absolutely jacked and diesel I’m getting haha. Big assed arms > me briefly sporting the wife beater. enjoy:

ya, this is how ashley rode in the limo. like, all the time. i'm not complaining.

comfort = love of my life <3 She's so amazing

B and Kristie

Julia and some dude

Will & Kameron Bink

yes hahaha, the Situ-jason!

greatest accidental photo ever. We were like, why do I have horns! turns out it was just her hair.

Melissa and I trying to duplicate the above pic. fail.

not sure... ab contest i'm guessing.

let's close it the way we opened it.

deep breath. I’d love to follow up on the rabbits, maybe I will in the future.

But this time next week I’ll be hanging with Brandon, Kupono, Ashley (<3), Comfort, Melissa, and Katee from SYTYCD. Excited.

However, that leaves me with shit tons of work to do between now and then. Hooray for procrastination.

Don’t forget if you’re trying to line up a dinner or entertain these guys, drop me a line. I’ll see what I can do. Though I’m sure we’ll take one big trip out in bmore next week, Thursday or Friday.

I actually hired someone to take pics, so yes there actually will be some to post! But if you need an immediate fix, twitter will have to do.

werrrrk!

Imagine my surprise this morning while working out (sans Eric *cough* terrible trainer *cough*), when out of the corner of my eye I saw something leap in the window.

In the past this has included birds, chipmunks, and one time a squirrel giving me the evil eye. Figuring it was just another dumb chipmunk with a deathwish (remember the “man saves chipmunk TWICE” video posted here?), I was surprised that when I stood on my tiptoes to look into the window well I found a tiny little bunny staring back at me.

And then I started counting… one bunny, two bunny, three bunny, four…. five bunny, six bunny, seven bunny, more!

Eight total wabbits in my window well! I took a blurry pic through the window and screen of like four of them.

Of course I did some impressive google’ing and found just like baby birds, you can’t touch the damned things or the mom will peace out forever. So instead I stuck a bowl of water in there (nevermind I know they’re being tit-fed for now), and I’ll likely end up drowning a couple of them. I also put a ramp in there for them to get out since it’s over 2 feet deep, and used a board to shelter them on the other side. In other words, I spent the day building a rabbit habitat.

I just have this bad feeling that a month from now I’m still going to have 8 rabbits in the window well and I’m having to feed and water them daily. Curses to being an animal lover.

Don’t worry, Parm is clueless… for now.

Only in white trash redneck pasadena could this happen….

I just had showered last night, after an absolutely amazingly perfect day of work, when I get the phone call.

a phone call from LAMZ at 9:15 at night can’t be good… but I figured it was just about a billing or costume question. I wasn’t prepared for what followed.

“Jason, a deer came through the window.”

huh? I had Kasie (now known as “the Deer Whisperer”) repeat herself. “Is this is a joke?,” I asked, pleading. She assured me it was not. Thankfully no one was hurt, and the lobby was empty for once in its life, save for Kasie of course. Brandee must not have picked up her phone, and I was the first boss she could reach. This was so not how I wanted to cap off my Monday night.

Believe me, I did my absolute damnedest to try and not go in. “Do we have big plastic trash bags? Can you just, like, ummmm, tape them up over the window? Oh, and take the cash box home with you?” You could almost hear the disgust in Kasie’s voice, like she was saying “come on you lazy fuck, I don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit, so drive your lazy ass on down here.”

Realizing there was no simple fix, I relented, and off to dirty dena I went.

Once there, this shit was straight out of a crime scene. I forgot how big the one window was, and there was glass everywhere. The deer, having been scared to death by a tractor trailer, ran for the restaurant next door, where the cook and a server were outside smoking. Thinking “this was it,” and the rapture was a few days late and came in the form of a deer, they started screaming and embraced/hugged… scaring the deer enough that at the last minute it made a quick left and proceeded to go all action-hero-die-hard-john-mcclane through the lobby window. Once in the studio lobby, it proceeded to ram itself into the wall a few times before trying to exit using the front door… which was really nice of it, except for the fact it tried to exit with its head and cracked the door glass. Someone next door heard the screaming and ran over to open the door, releasing bambi back into the wild.

Now, once I found out no one was hurt, it was time to make light of the situation. I even asked if the deer bothered to pick up a summer schedule (it didn’t).

I sent Bryana home to get some chalk. And before long, we had a rather awkward ET/llama/horse/deer chalk body outline. It didn’t stop there. I proceeded to create a “Hug Zone” complete with “Deer X-ing” drawing in front of the restaurant next door. And once everything was all boarded up, we even spray painted a sign on the boarded up windows about the all-u-can eat venison special next day at Vandys:

Everyone survived. And oddly enough, I can’t think of any super interesting or out of the norm stories. It was just non-stop all weekend, from a near flight disaster friday night (his flight was delayed 1 hour, then 3, then 1, then 4, then 1 before departing) to events all day saturday at LAMZ.

Just as I had tweeted to airtran fuck you, the final change was made to his departure time and he ended up getting out of there at a reasonable time. Of course, thanks to him giving me a personal mention on his twitter, every kid in the world now has my handle, so I had to go back in and clean some tweets up (read: delete the “FUCK YOU AIRTRAN” one for sure).

He managed to miss his flight out (common theme it seems around here)… which wasn’t MY fault since I didn’t even go with the group to the after after after party at the Dox. You have no idea how much the airlines cost me this weekend considering I had to buy two different tix (one as a backup friday night), both for first class since that was in our contract.

I told brandee i would’ve had more fun burning the thousands on my front lawn.

but it was worth every penny.

And can you believe I don’t think there is one photo of tWitch and I together, despite the fact I had a photographer take hundreds of pictures and video this weekend. hmmmm. let the conspiracy theories begin…

now another 6 weeks until I have 6 of them here for a week. God help me.

He’s back with us this weekend… picking him up tonight, then all day at LAMZ tomorrow, followed by??? well, we’ll leave those details private for now. But expect some pictures somewhere (likely on the LAMZ twitter, maybe even mine… and of course full blown workshop photos on the main LAMZ site in a couple weeks).

So expect few if any updates this weekend… last time it was crazy town complete with theft of water bottle coolers. ohhhh tWitchy Poo we missed you!

So, have I stooped to a new low?  I get my groceries delivered, I order shoes online, I haven’t stepped foot in a mall other than shopping excursions with Kristie (during the day. when no one is out)…. and now I had my neighbor’s bf pick up my car, drive it to his work (Mercedes dealer) and drop it off at the BMW dealership next door to get it serviced.

Truth be told, the only real reason I refuse to take my car in is I KNOW that I will buy a new one. I’m itching for a big purchase (much larger scale than the other big purchase coming next week, oh wouldn’t you like to know). Maybe I should just buy even more houses and dance studios.
_______________________________________________

and did somebody say dance studio? please tell me why the lobby is more tricked out than my own house?! I just put a brand new 73″ tv in there (came so close to buying a new 82″ for my house, but then the guy told me a 92″ comes out later this year… so yeah, waiting!), a new ps3, xbox w/ kinect, and a 3d system… the home theater sound system arrives today.

and it wouldn’t be a LAMZ mention without a LAMZ Moment:

Brandee had sent out an internal email to all our teachers about how they need to get head shots done the same day the kids get their pics taken. she elaborates a bit and says not to arrive hungover with bra straps all hangin’ out.

so imagine our surprise when one of the adult students is reading all the crap the desk staff posts on the bulletin board and asks “what’s this about head shots?”

uh oh.

turns out they had printed out and posted the email for all to see. and it had been posted for 2 weeks. Nothing like reminding all of your 8 year olds not to go on a bender the night before.
_______________________________________________

and of course now that I read everything on the wall just to make sure they don’t tape up an email from me to them saying “such and such is an asshole, try to get their tuition payment” I walk in last night and remove this within 5 seconds of stepping foot in the studio last night:

Drive By Blog for now…

I started putting ads (they’re called advertorials) in the local newspapers for Lamz. I hit a few in dirty dena and severna park, and then decided to go bigger with The Capital and Gazette. So last week I submitted the advertorial (which is basically a deceptive way of making an ad look like it’s an article in the paper… shoot me) to the newspapers.

Well imagine my surprise when the first one runs YESTERDAY, and I get this email from mom:

From: Mom
Sent: Monday, May 02, 2011 3:44 PM
To: ‘Jason’
Subject: The Capital

Lamz is on page A3– right along with the Bin Laden story.

Mom

awesome.