Will be missing my first Ravens game tonight as a newly minted PSL owner this season… but it’s preseason, so who gives a flying pomeranian.

But sure had a helluva time GIVING AWAY the tickets.

Finally found someone at the studio to take ‘em, with the promise of snapping a photo from the seats so I could see how the view is (front row near midfield club biatches!).

i’m nearing the end of my 8th week of the Insanity workouts… and only skipped my third workout yesterday of the entire thing, so I’d say I’m not doing too bad (for those keeping count, that would be 6 a week x 8 – 3 =’s 45… including 3 pukes).

Granted, my elbow feels like it’s going to fall off, but it’s just one of those things I’m gonna have to live with. Insanity works! So if you’re in good shape (please, no fatties… and if you get winded jogging a 1/4 of a mile, don’t bother), I highly recommend it.

My only guilty pleasure this whole times has been Subway cookies.

Well no more I say. I had the bright idea to look up exactly how many calories each cookie contains. and would you believe it? two hundred mother fucking ten. 210!

no wonder they’re so damned good. it’s just butter, chocolate, and sugar baked at 350 for 12 minutes.

i’m so mad at subway right now.

3 weeks til Brandon is back in town! He called me the other morning out of the blue to say what’s up… he’s gonna be here for a few days this time, so we’ll def have time to hang out more than back in april (the linthicum girls have already told the hubbies they’ll be watching the many many children they have spawned). And this time he’s 21… so no need to use club connections to get him in anywhere.

work!

which makes me ancient.

I’m reading the comments, and people are posting the first things they ever bought. Thinking no way amazon is going to have my order history, I logged in anyways.

And sure enough, there it is. Oddly enough, 12 years ago to the day, my very first amazon order:

A Shania Twain CD.

maybe some things are best left unsaid.
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So what are the negatives about having pseudo celeb So You Think You Can Dance people in your phone? (are they C-List, D-List, F Listers??)

When you accidently text them.

Poor Brandon. He falls right in the middle of the pack of Brandee & Brittany.

I keep in touch with him on random events anyways, like when he was on Glee… but I had recently been corresponding about having him back out in September. So of course, his texts and some sent to Brandee are right near each other.

So here I am, texting Brandee Tuesday “Good job tonight. Totally different vibe…” etc etc. No response back that night, but that happens.

And then I go and check early Wednesday morning. Fack. I had sent that to Brandon. No wonder no reply.

So I pull up the message, and then forward it to the right person (Brandee). Now here is the real bitch. The DROID messaging thingy, when you fwd a message, doesn’t bump the person you forwarded it to as the last person you texted (follow me?).

So thinking I’m still texting Brandee, I send the following to Brandon:

“Of course… I sent that message last night… to brandon.”

“Don’t forget deposit if u get the chance, or send minna.”

Then I of course realized my mistake… and that I was sending all of this at 5am his time.

Somehow, he took all of this in stride, and is still looking forward to hanging out for a few days come September. No word on whether or not he took the deposit to the bank…

Jury duty.

I looked for every possible way to get out of it… like sending in the form with a notation saying I hate white people. but I eventually found that I could submit a letter if jury duty would cause undue hardship.

thinking quickly, I dashed off a note to them about how I’m a daytrader and cry cry cry how it’s a busy time for me…

and to my surprise, it worked!

I got a letter in the mail last week informing me I was excused this time around. Now what that means I have no idea. Could be another 3 years, or I could just be pushed to the next batch of poor bastards forced to sit in a little room together.

(and if you don’t get the blog title reference, rent that shit… only decent black & white movie I’ve ever seen)
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I’ll end this very brief and highly uninformative update with my mom winning the internets:

Subject: Big Bird

Mom

so yeah, my mom is convinced that she has bald eagles living in her backyard.

I wrote back that I used the internets to look for a nice home to put my rents in. she was not amused.

But a milestone came today when I finally made it through the WARM UP without having to take a break. I went downhill from there, but baby steps.

I finally caught up on SYTYCD. Granted, I had to completely skip the auditions, and only caught the last episode of vegas week. But I consider myself up to speed (and yes, I completely skipped over that stupid “we’re going to visit you and tell you if you made it or not” hokey episode).

Much love to the producers for the all stars… it’s like a wet dream.

I mean, they brought back three of my favs:

-Lauren
-Courtney (just sick sick hot now)
-and that vulcan looking biatch Kathryn who I want to bang while telling her to live long and prosper.

And Allison. who is she? I might have to go back and watch season 2.

Now the contestants… meh. not so much love. Although Lauren (the blonde) is doable, and Ashley (lyrical) looks ridonkulously hot 90% of the time, and fat the other 10%.

death to cristina the one wearing a retainer or invasalign or whatever. I guess they had to have a throwaway contestant.

And despite what you may think, I absolutely could not stand the asian chick. She said she was a lakers girl and I about gagged. How annoying she is. Thank you for kicking her out first.

As far as talent… since ya know I’m like an expert on all that shiat now haha, the dancers are incredible this year.

And it’s surreal seeing tWitch on stage. Just a few short months ago we were hanging out in Bmore while I fed him a steady diet of Jack & Crans.

I’m trying to figure out who to bring in to Lamz this fall. I’m already gonna bring Brandon back the end of summer to work with my comp kids… barring someone just taking off this season, I’m leaning towards Courtney. Sick of flying sausages out here.

But it’s not all bad; when I’m not chasing down contractors I catch up on my tv (i know you’re dying to hear my opinions on sytycd), and my ever growing blu-ray collection (here’s how bad it is… I finally watched “Wanted” the other day… which came out like 8 years ago).

However, stupid jason decided that after watching one too many infomercials, he’d get that Insanity DVD workout set.

Yesterday, which we will now refer to as WTHWIT-Day (What the hell was I thinking day), was day one.

All it was was was a warmup, and then a fitness test… something you’re supposed to do every 2 weeks to see how much you’ve improved. 10 minute warmup, then eight one-minute exercises (that you keep track of how many reps you do).

Well here’s the little problem. After exercise four, I found myself puking. 4realz. like over the toilet bowl full on gusher of the gatorade and whatever else I drank before i started. I managed to pull a puke ‘n rally and finished it out.

Today was day two. The first “real” dvd of workouts. Today’s (40 lick my nuts minute) dvd was titled “Plyometric Cardio Circuit.” Oh F me.

I played it smart though, and did pretty much only every other exercise. All in all, I really only did maybe 25% of the damned thing. Let me tell you how bad it was.

(How bad was it Jason?)

It was sooooo bad that of the dozen or so people behind (lazy assed) Sean T (the fitness guru who never actually does the whole workout himself), people were dropping out. On his own damned dvd! His hired people!

One dude even got up in the middle of it and waved his hands in disgust like “screw this” and then went and got water.

This is the only thing keeping me coming back for more tomorrow… the soap opera aspect. Will the guy 3rd from right return? Will he bring a gun and cap Sean T? Will he be on life support and saved by a brain transfusion from an unlikely donor? Will he die but his evil twin will return in his place, with no one the wiser while he plots the downfall of all Infomercial Workout DVDs?

Stay tuned for the next episode of….. INSANITYYYYYYYYYYYY!

My bro’s bday is tomorrow. So imagine my surprise when I picked up Parm and got home today to find his gift in a box at my door. so much for carefully planning out delivery of it.

While normally I’d be excited for the school year to end with the showcase on the 13th and get a much deserved break (or vacation!), I’m doing some renovations in the short 3 week break we have at the studio… so yeah, back to work on the 15th. bullocks (trying to capture the british viewers).

and i will finally get my tv back next tuesday. about damned time. the little red light on the dvr that says it’s recording stopped mocking me a couple days ago… i can only hope i have 50 episodes of judge judy to watch when i hook it back up.

get this, the old neighbor behind me, who thinks i absolutey hate her (might be some truth in that), told chelsea the latest reason: because i won’t even look in her windows at her. the nerve i have! apparently, she says that she stares at me when i take the dog out, and i won’t bother looking in to see what she’s up to. ummmm… sorry you old bag that i’m not a peeping jason. i mean, if you were like 20 and hot, sure, let me get out the telescope… but, you’re not. so i’ll just avoid any and all contact (eye, or otherwise) that I can. K?byebye

speaking of Chels, the other day she was on a mission cleaning the house all crazy-like, and i notice a couple old well dressed dudes walking around outside with clip boards.

“Jehovah’s Witnesses” I screamed… “they’re alllll you.” and i bolted back to the confines of my office, dog in tow.

Sure enough, knock knock ring ring, and they’re at the door. I told her to tell them she was cleaning my house and didn’t live here. But of course, Chelsea, friendly to every last human and bug on the planet, can’t just tell them to leave… instead she starts listening to every word they had to say. And every opening she got to tell them to scoot, she’d actually ask a question. i mean, wtf?!

Thinking quickly, and knowing I was dressed in super bum clothes including a ratty tshirt and sweats, I grabbed the nearest cleaning tool thingamajobber I could find… one of those crooked necked toilet bowl cleaner bottles, and made my way to the door.

“Hey, we’re on the clock! We gotta get this house cleaned,” I said as I shook the blue liquid containing bottle at them.

for some reason the old guys bought it. they said “oh sorry, we know you’re on the clock, so can we leave this literature?” which of course chelsea gladly took , and they were on their way.

and on an aside, i actually managed to buy a miley and a justin beaber (beeber? beiber??) song in the same day (i swear I didn’t know he was featured on the track). shoot me.

but you’d be wrong.

so to the health thing… i’m probably like 80%? I went back to the doctor, cuz I wasn’t getting better. worse actually. And he told me that I had one of those “four or five week things.” great diagnosis. He started to complain how he had it and yada yada yada. I guess bottom line is today is better than yesterday, which was better than last week, so I I’m on the mend.

My big assed monster tv went kaputsky a couple weeks back. The picture went all pixelly on me, which happened a couple years back.

With dreams of finally getting the even bigger version, I decided to give the store a call to see how much it would be to fix the current one. And unfortunately, I must’ve bought the world’s best service plan, cuz that bitch is still under warranty.

What they didn’t tell me when they came to fix it, is unlike last time, they weren’t going to do it on the spot. They took it apart, and then took the guts back to their shop for testing. Well duh of course it tested as being “defective” (their words, not mine), so they sent it back to Mitsubishi for repair.

This all started 8 days ago. I finally called yesterday, and the lady told me I was on her list to call that day (yeah, right). Turns out the new parts (which is basically a new tv) won’t be in for another 2 weeks.

Meanwhile, I have a dvr that’s recording God knows what, and is probably full. At least my 2nd dvr is keeping me up to speed, though I’m having to churn thru the crap i’m recording at a much faster pace.

Every show being in finale mode helps. Given the fact everything I watch gets cancelled (Heroes, Flash Forward… surprised Fringe got a renewal… which btw is the greatest scifi show everz), I’m not gonna having anything to tape next year anyways.

Lamz Showcase in 2 weeks. Not even close to ready for it….

well after things flared up again, and a week’s worth of hacking up lovely greenies, I was talking to a nurse at the studio last night and she pushed me to go see the doctor.

so i made an appointment at Nighttime RightTime (as it’s now called) this morning, the brand spankin’ new one at arundel mills.

turns out, i was just a wee bit sicker than I thought. After the doc listened to my wheezing, she immediately gave me steroids (not THOSE kind), then hooked me up to some breathing machine for 20 minutes so I could inhale all this stuff to get the swelling down in my lungs. freaky.

Final diagnosis? An Ear Infection, a Sinus Infection, and topped off by Bronchitis.

I’m now on two different antibiotics (at the same time, apparently that’s kosher), the ‘roids, and also an inhaler. It’s a freakin’ pharmacy at my house now.

She told me that the ‘roids are gonna make me grumpy. and to get bed rest. whatever that is. I guess I’ll only go down to working 60 hours next week. I was pretty whatever about the whole deal, and in good spirits. which she said she was surprised by given “how bad off I was.” ummm, ok. that’s not what u wanna hear from the doc.

so bring me chicken noodle soup if you’re reading this. or a cheeseburger. yeah, go with the latter.

I got a call at 10am, assuming they’re saying to pick up Parm. BUt of course it was the groomer telling me how badly matted his hair is in the back, and that he was “biting, and just generally upset” when she tried to comb it out.

of course I felt like the parent with the smelly kid at school, and told her how sorry I was, and that I had tried and tried to bathe him and get the knots out, but to no avail.

I asked her what we could do about it, and her response was “well, how short can we take his hair?” aka …. a shaving. I gave the all clear.

I picked him up, and he’s now cream colored since his hair is like a 1/4 of an inch long. To my surprise, he still scored the bandana (they must’ve felt sorry for him).

He also scored a new collar, complete with bone charm, so he is now the fire (thanks Brandon).

anyways, he’s pissed, but here are his pics anyways: