This is the scene that greated me this morning as I dragged the dog out for his morning pee. Two HUGE moths FUCKING on a post in my backyard. I (reluctantly/stupidly) put my hand next to the pervs just to show you how big this orgy of two really was.
thankfully, Parmesan didn’t notice. But…
when I went out again at noon, THEY WERE STILL FUCKING! I’m jealous. This time, the dog noticed, but after a couple quick sniffs (wonder what moth vajayjay smells like, yuck), he was like wtf and ran away. good boy.
It’s 2pm now as I type this, and the sex show is still going on my backyard. unbelievable.
When I picked out my latest cell phone, I apparently got the version that was marketed to drunks & college students (or teens these days I guess). I’m speaking of my Crackberry Pearl Go Boom. This piece of shit has been erasing nearly all my text messages and call logs ever since I got back from vegas (xray machine death?). I can literally send/receive a text message, and watch it magically disappear before my eyes.
now if I was getting shitfaced and drunk dialing, this would be the perfect phone. You get up the next morning to look and see what you’ve done, and surprise! no record, therefore no harm no foul. However for me, this is getting a tad annoying. I have no idea if someone has called me, texted me, or what. So it’s 4 real (urban! urban!) when I say “uhh, I didn’t get a message from you.” Whenever my contract is up (which for all I know is 2017), I’m gonna sell this bitch on ebay marketed my way.
and speaking of annoying, could there be any fewer shows on tv to watch right now? SYTYCD has started… and I’m so agitated with audition shows it’s almost unwatchable (I’ll admit last night’s wasn’t as bad as the season premiere). oh, and Wipeout is back (thank God! and just as funny)… but that’s, like, it.
I did get into this awesome show on the TruTV channel (didn’t even know I had that channel) called Rehab. And no, not what you think… this is about the Rehab POOL PARTY at the Hard Rock in vegas (and btw, it was on the agenda in vegas, but opened for the summer season the sunday after i left, doh!). very delicious show. of course I caught a marathon on Memorial Day and watched the entire season, so I’m SOL for that series. I’m praying it starts again soon. definetly worth the dvr (you got that amy??).
Add to my tv dilemnas is the fact that Broadstripe is sabotaging everything. broadstripe /millenium/ shitassedcable provider/ whatever it’s name is these days. I dvr everything, and only in HD if i can get it. Well wonderful BroadStripe (now forever known to this blog as BS) has been having “issues” with their HD channels. The shit pixelizes every 5 minutes for a good 30 seconds at least. For example, last night’s SYTYCD… I kid you not, nearly EVERY single dancer I actually wanted to see was herky jerky or just halted alltogether. That tap dancer/croonerdude near the end of the show that was on last year that you really wanted to watch again? yeah, didn’t fucking see one second of his routine. FU BS! Please verizon, for the love of God hurry up with the FIOS already!!
Friday was a xanex night! I got ahold of a 2mg pill from a friend a few weeks back, but didn’t have the time to take it. see, with any sleeping aid, you gotta plan this shit out and have to have nothing to do the next morning, errr, day. So finally Friday came, and I was sooooooooo going to get a good night’s rest.
I broke off 1/4 (a quarter!!!!) of the pill, just to play it safe, and
oh. my. God.
I woke up early Saturday morning as usual. But I couldn’t open my eyes. Literally. they were stuck. not like stuck stuck from when you have allergies and you get all that gunk in your eye and they crackle open (so much fun!)… but like magically stuck. I laid there willing my eyes to open because I was in such a trance. After seemingly forever (ok, maybe 5 minutes), i cracked open one lid and saw the clock said 6:53am. All systems were go, so I passed the fuck back out and got up at a more respectable 9.
From there it was groggysville until about noon before the damned thing wore off. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I’d taken the full thing (or even half!).
From now on, I’m sticking to my Ambien CR… if I can find any.
oh and we have our first video below for the youtubes. The dumbassed chipmunk that lives somewhere in/around my house got stuck in one of my window wells. again. I’ve literally saved this bastard a dozen times. There used to be shit like sticks and stuff for him to climb up, but I had them cleaned recently. Now he’s pretty much SOL.
So thanks to parm alerting me (read: trying to kill it and jump headlong into the well), I grabbed a broom.
The video kinda looks like you’re playing one of those first person shooter games like halo or doom… except your weapon is a broom. cute.
after saving the little bastard, he promptly ran and fell into another well directly next to it (you can hear me sigh 49 seconds in). Please ignore the girlish scream that, ummm, Parmesan lets out at 1:06 as it appeared the rodent was about to crawl all the way up the handle.
(and yes, I’m blogging so soon to push further down that dog of a mugshot)
Back to my old tricks again of not updating I see Let’s just blame it on me being in mourning over the outrage of Kris Allen being the american idol. What a sham. Of course, it didn’t help that I tried to cast my votes via texting (all 20 of them)… turns out, you need an AT&T phone. stupid verizon. or stupid jason. yeah, stupid jason.
anyways, last weekend the dance studio had it’s photo shoot. Where all the kids and adults play dressup before recital. Now, me exercising my creative control, am not in said recital in any way, shape, or form. However, that did not save me from being forced into pictures.
Normally, I consider myself photogenic. until now. I had to get a headshot done. one of those professional kinda deals… where you’re supposed to send it out as an out-of-work actor trying to land a gig. Let’s put it this way… I take terrible, and I do mean TERRIBLE, headshots. something about just my shoulders up makes me look foreign.
I kid you not, before I embarass myself and you take a peek below (oops, you already glanced didn’t you?!), he took about 2 dozen photographs… and this, THIS, horrible awful alien looking photo was the best. How sad is it my creme de la creme photo was a semi-smirk with one eye squinting a bit, making the other look like a fisheye. and my forehead… need I say anymore?
yeah, ohhhhhh lawwwwwwd. And before you ask, why didn’t I smile… i did for like half the photos. and they were even worse I tell ya! thankfully the other 23 will forever be buried on the master cd, never to see the light of day, unless brandee or kristie purchase them. pray for me.
And speaking of kristie, we decided to take a “prom” photo together for your amusement. It’s ok boys (and I guess some girls), feel free to right-click and save to your computer, then photoshop your head in place of mine, and go brag to all your friends. enjoy:
and last but not least in show & tell is the wonderful staff/faculty of JAMZ. well, at least half of them that work there, or still work there I guess. How about one serious photo followed by two gangsta sign flashin’ photos:
peace out. and word to your dachshund (gotta mix out the shouts every now and then… yo).
sonnuvabitch I’m quickly running out of tv shows. they’ve all either ended or are ending in the next week (heroes, fringe, dancing with the stars aka monday night football, Lie To Me, amazing race, Biggest Parmesan, Apprentice, etc).
I suppose if there were two dudes that I would be gay for this day (outta the blue eh?), they would have to be Idol Adam and JJ Abrams… although only one of those two would take me up on it *cough* adam *cough*.
JJ Abrams you say? Keep in mind I haven’t even seen Star Trek (yet!), nor do I watch LOST (nor will i, ever)… but man, Fringe is turning out to be an awesome show. The season (let’s hope not series) finale had an incredible, badass, controversial (think 9/11), disturbing, yet cool ending. Let’s hope it doesn’t go all X-Files crazy on us in the next season or two. Abrams, you rock.
Which reminds me that my mom also rocks. She heard my Burger King dilemna, and promptly sacrificed her innerds to go grab some food at another restaurant and pick up a glass (Kirk!) and a toy (uhura, booooo). must… get…. spock… toy.
ok so back to idol. thankfully deadwifeguy got the boot last night. after his screaching Dream On performance two weeks back, it was time for him to go. i could have done that better. Sanjiah could’ve done better. worst. performance. ever.
so I guess it’s on to the finale between ADAM (gay for, ‘member?) and another dude name kris/chris or however you spell it. basically some guy who i fast forwarded thru the entire season until this last week (flashbacks to david archuwhatever singing “I need you boo!”). at least his “hey kanye i’m white and i’m going to redo your shit” song was good.
regardless, unless adam actually comes out (and i mean, out out) next week on tv, and fondles a little boy on stage, he’s the winner. i might even vote for a change. so if you’re a 13 year old girl and plan on voting 1,000 times for the he’s-so-dreamy kris guy, just remember he’s married… at least you can try and turn Adam.
the upshot to the 800 shows I watch ending is new ones beginning. particularly, are you ready??? badop bop bop, so you think you dance!
also getting a shot this summer will be america’s got talent (similar to the Biggest Parmesan show, I will watch it on dvr in a grand total of 15 mins), and the I’m a celebrity get me out of here crap (not many people know it was on a few years ago, was horrible, and had that c*nt melissa rivers on it).
Open for suggestions for other shows. and no to real world road rules 57 or whatever season they’re on; i’m too old for that shit.
if that’s not a creepy enough title, lemme explain. I’ve had two saturdays in a row with birthdays. Lil’ W on the 25th of april turning 2, and this past saturday Hal’s kid turned 3. So I figure, to keep my streak alive I had better find a kid turning 4 this weekend… asap.
make sure you check out the twitpic link to see Hal’s latest and greatest computer setup. Makes my 3 monitors & laptop look amateur at best. His looks like the friggin’ spaceshuttle… with probaby more computing power (i think shuttles still run on commodores… they’re THAT old).
It was fun to hang out with the ritzy folk on his street though. It was without a doubt like an episode of Desperate Housewives of EC (Ellicott City). There were milfs galore, husbands that look straight out of men’s health mags, maybe even a gardener or two tossed into the mix.
Imagine my surprise when I pulled up for the party that I got yelled at from some guy across the street. turns out it was alex of Minatos fame. mmmmmm sushi. We’re gonna have to get the old band back together next week for a jason roll reunion (and yes, he assured me it’s still on the menu). well the old band and the Desperate Housewives crew… should be quite the mix.
and now to get extremely random.:
Joan Rivers is a hag. Apparently Trump doesn’t even watch his own show.
and also the Burger King near me deserves to be blowed up. I got all fired up about their Star Trek promotion and figured I’d drop in for a meal (cuz I ummm never eat fast food,… yeah). So here i’m thinking I’d play it cool and just get a kids meal since they come with some extremely badass toys (little figures from the movie that talk when you hit a button on them. F’n cool), rather than purchase a drinking glass for a $1.99 (cuz only nerds collect the glasses… cool people buy kids meals).
so i get my kids/parm meal, get home, and this is what i found:
well hello there. or maybe I should say “hello, world,” given that’s what the new blogging software (wordpress) put up as my first post when the site was being rebuilt for the 100th time.
fancy new digs, u like?
anyways, fresh of a long vacation to vegas (hence the title, yeah?), jasoncam is back up and running. for better or worse. so let’s just take a moment to show you all the fancy new things jasoncam v6.0 has to offer. First and foremost, we have our standard links to the left. The photo gallery remains at fotki and pops when you click it. New to you is videos, which pops to a youtube account. Nothing up there under that particular youtube username, as most videos are under a more, ummmm, domestic account. But there will be things there soon enough, thx to the badass flipvid cam.
More exciting perhaps is the tweeting in the top right. Go ahead and click either tweet or twitpic (2 seperate links) in the little paint/ice cream/jizz splatter, and you’ll be whisked away to the twitter pages. Twitpic will likely be the main one I use, though I’m sure you’ll see some random thoughts tweeted from time to time (as you can tell, i’m so internet geekspeak urban now). i guess i’m supposed to type ‘LOLZ’ here.
Gone is the webcam. i’m sure that will be missed. this is due to two reasons: 1) the same image is usually up the entire time until the site gets redid… and 2) no webcam.
So go ahead and clickety click. There are fresh photos from my recent trip in both the galleries and twitter (including me making out with a hot chick… dolphin).
I’ll blog at you soon. so let’s urbanize: word to your pomeranian.
Let’s just blame it on me being in mourning over the outrage of Kris Allen being the american idol. What a sham. Of course, it didn’t help that I tried to cast my votes via texting (all 20 of them)… turns out, you need an AT&T phone. stupid verizon. or stupid jason. yeah, stupid jason.
