Unfortunately, I couldn’t find more of his costumes, which would’ve been quite the photoshoot… so this will have to suffice.  Parmabee it is this year.

And fortunately for me, I just got out of halloween alltogether.  The neighbors invited me over for din din at 6:30.  Lights off, doors locked… better luck next year suckas!

that is the number of shits per day the wienster took while staying with me this week.

mercifully, the rents flew back in tonight, and I was more than happy to pick them up and return their spoiled rotten little dog to them.  Don’t get me wrong, she was (for the most part) an angel this week… but today she was relentless in whining… wanting “attention”… whatever that is.  I think she knew her rents were coming home to release her from the prison that was my house.

She had her revenge though by spoiling MY evening of her departure.  The neighbors asked me to go to Boston Market with them.  When I declined and hung up from them, the Ws then called me and wanted me to go to the brand new Chiles that’s about 1 mile from me.  wtf, I haven’t eaten at either place in years, and all in one night i get invites.  Curses wiener, curses.

Parm immediately celebrated by collapsing under the bed.  he’s been there all night.

* Tomorrow is of course Halloween.  I for one am not a big fan of being bothered to answer my door and hand out free candy.  I spent the evening looking for last year’s pumpkin signs to print out that were  issued by the local government stating you were a child molester.

Or perhaps I can hang a sign with an 8 simple letter/number combo on my door:

H1N1 HERE

ok, back to work.  again.  2 more hell weeks left.

*I have now survived two days with the dogs.  If there is such a thing as a cat lady, then I am the posterboy for dog man.

the wiener arrived at 9:45am monday… and by 11am had greeted me by taking two massive dumps in the backyard.  She then outshit me by going 2 more times before the day was up.  talk about having issues.

* Just as I thought I was SYTYCDed out, I reluctantly took in last night’s show (doesn’t hurt that everything is seemingly on rerun save for that suckage Heroes)… and am again hooked.  This year’s early winner of the “I want to bang you award” goes to the ballroom chick ashleigh.  married schmarried.

not sure I like how they switched up the format (I think??).  the new intro is ok i guess, and the logo seems, just… weird.

line of the night goes to Shankman for totally ripping on “little” (as he called him) C.  Kudos also for basically saying if he was straight he’d have a go at the previously mentioned award winning Ashleigh.

and btw, Jakob ftw (for the win).  you heard it here first
(I reserve the right to change my mind several times throughout the season, and likely will).

* Last night was crazy dream night.  One dream I was laying on the ground and the garage door crushed me.  what the hell does that mean?!

I’m saddled with happily watching Isabella the wiener this week; while my parents are out of town, in vegas (wtf?!).  Let’s see, they don’t drink, smoke, or gamble.  sounds like they picked the perfect place to go.  My poor mother asked me what there is to do during the day.  What am I supposed to say… “sleep it off, mom” ???  Frankly, the only time I ever saw the sun in my trips to vegas was when I emerged from a freemont casino way too late for my own good.

anyways back to my first dog, I asked mom to email me Isabella’s latest rider.  everytime she comes she’s on a different regiment of food and whatnot.  this exchange is what follows:

—– Original Message —–
From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Saturday, October 24, 2009 3:56 PM
Subject: Isabella

Isabella’s schedule:

5:30 A.M. — 2 carrots

6:00 P.M. — supper  (1/4 cup Royal Canin mixed with 1 Cesar (microwaved for 10 to 15 seconds).  After heating, add one vitamin crumbled on top and mix in.

She usually insists on getting one greenie after cleaning her plate.

If she gets noisy about eating earlier because you are eating, she can have 1/2 of the above mixture and then the other 1/2 for supper.

I usually keep 1/4 cup of the Royal Canin in her dish to eat whenever she wants.  Some days she will eat it for breakfast and other days not at all.  Some days she eats it as fast as I can put it in her bowl.

She drinks once or twice in the middle of the night (whenever Dad wakes her up).

Good Luck!

_________________________________________________________

—– Original Message —–
From: Jason
To: Mom
Sent: Saturday, October 24, 2009 3:57 PM
Subject: Re: Isabella

530 am lol

good luck with that dog.

j

-bad news?  Mia Michaels won’t be on the new season of SYTYCD

-good news?  Verizon FIOS is in my neighborhood and will be ready in a month or two!  Now my monthly bill between BroadShit, Verizon DSL, and FIOS tv/internet is gonna be like $400.  eeks.  maybe that’s bad news afterall.

-Yesterday while out to lunch I managed to mix up “99% of the time” and “9 times out of 10″ and said “99 times out of 10.”  yeahhhhh.

-in ParmesanLand news, i was making fish for dinner the other night (read: box o’ Gordons).  I was tearing up cheese slices to melt on top and caved to the sad sad begging eyes of the ratdog.  I ripped off a tiny sliver and figured I’d bury it under his dog food to get him to eat it.

so instead of being even remotely intelligent and burrowing to get  the cheese, he started grabbing mouthfulls of food.  Each time he’d wander over to some random place in the living room, and dump it.  sniff sniff, “no cheese there”… back to the bowl.  repeat.

i didn’t catch on until there were four piles of dog food anywhere from the floor to the couch.  I quickly dug out the cheese and gave it to the moron.

the next day he was just wandering around the house and would come across a pile.  it was as if he was like “oh what’s this?  food… here?  I think I shall eat some.”  chomp chomp chomp.

by night he had found and eaten all of his piles.

isabella arrives monday for the week.  i don’t think he will even have a chance to play around with his food when that bottomless pit moves in.

the world is ending… i finally caved and bought a miley cyrus song.  Party in the USA. 

I decided upon said purchase after taking parm out for chocolate ice cream (of which he can have none cuz he’s a dog muhahaha) and it came blasting thru the sirius.

I did check with my peers to make sure it wasn’t too gay of me to buy it… after all, who above the age of 15 has really ever bought a hannah montana song?  Parm seemed to like it, and I had the full blessing of (again) Preg-o Ame-o, so clickety click I went and it’s now on regular rotation in my ipod until I’ve played it 567 times and get sick of it (joining the recent outcasts the likes of Flo-Rida’s Right Round, I’m On A Boat, & Boom Boom Pow).

I don’t know what it is about that song, but damn it if you don’t just go “yeah, that’s soooo true… i DO throw my hands up when a britney song is on… oh yeah, JAY-Z too!  I can’t believe she said that, I was just thinking ‘what if she said jay-z?!?!’”

I also rounded out my itunes shopping spree with the fireflies song.  yeah, that’s right,  i get a thousand hugs from 10,000 lightening bugs.  check it.

*

I’ve been going to my second last-gasp doctor dude for my elbow before surgery.  this guy is a chiropractor (this makes “doctor” number five for those of you keeping count).

i had my 2nd appointment today, and I gotta say, it seemingly helps for at least a couple hours.  now i know you’re thinking chiro =’s cracking of shit, but that isn’t the case.  I’m basically paying a guy to stretch out my tendons because I’m too lazy to do it at home.  the real bitch of it is he has this one thing he does where he sprays this really cold gel stuff on my arm, and then uses an ice scraper looking thing and drags it (hard!) against my arm.

i cannot begin to describe to you the pain.  especially since there are all these little knots in your arm that you had no idea were there, and this guy is trying to smooth them out with a hard plastic squeegee.

today i stupidly said how i should probably be doing the same stuff to my other arm since it is headed along the same path (years of typing at a computer will apparently do this to you).  of course, doc says “no problemo” and proceeds to do the ice-scraper-of-doom to my one good arm.  I cried out “did I really just ask you to do this?!” to which he gleefully exclaimed “yup!”

sicko gets enjoyment out of it.

so here I am not even 12 hours later, and I have massive bruises (burn marks??) going up and down my arms.  I’m assuming that it will be worse tomorrow, so I will share a photo with you then.  Lord knows how I’m going to survive this when I see him again thursday (get this, I have to go 3 times a week!).

I managed to survive yet another SYTYCD tour show this past Thursday.  To say we did it up this year would be an understatement

My group (17 total tickets!!!) monopolized the front rows, and the entire front & center section.  I used Zbest limo as transport this year, which is soooo much easier than parking and waiting 2 hours to leave.

Good times were had by all (some more than others due to their limo festivites of obscure beers and chocolate chip cookies (say what?)).  Even got to meet our “rival” studio’s teachers (helloooooo former raven’s cheerleader!).  I accomplished all of this doped up on meds and with only one good ear.  I uploaded over 200 photos (no life) in the gallery to the left.  of which there are probably only a dozen good shots.  Those suckers move too fast and need to stay still!

I’ll add photos from others… Kristie and I were busy cursing as our cameras were too delayed to catch any of the gymnastic shots (I think I got, ummm, one).  So sorry to the folks in the row behind us as all they saw were dancers flipping, our flashes going off, followed by “damn it! son of a bitch!”

over and over.

At least when I get sick, I get SICK.  today I have no good ears, but the nose has at least stopped sprinting running.  I’m on the mend though, so I don’t expect to be continuing the nightly cocktail of drugs.  I should be arrested for date-raping myself at the rate of benadryls, mucinexes, comtrex, and alka-seltzers I keep pumping into my body before bed.

thankfully it’s busy season, and I have nowhere to be.  I’d go in tomorrow to Lamz to help register folks for the tWitch workshop, but I think I’m going to use the whole “I’m contagious” excuse as my crutch.

one week until I get to watch the wienster!

We don’t have much time before they get back.  the medicines.

I am writing to you with a clear head.  the first time all day.  and it’s 11pm.

i spent the day in a haze.  it doesn’t help that the evil drugs almost ODed me last night.  two nighttime alkaseltzers and a benadryl.  what was I thinking?  but the sleep was glorious.

i almost made the same mistake at lunch time, when I started to come out of it.  i took a mucinex… only i didn’t realize it was nighttime version (cough suppresent should’ve been a big clue… that and green.  green always means sleeeeep).

please help.  I don’t know what I’m going to do about tomorrow.  I have to wake early to see a new doctor about by elbow.  then the crazy white chinese medicine man is going to poke me full of holes at noon.  there is nothing relaxing about acupuncture.  maybe the drugs will help with the needles?

how am i going to survive all of this and then SYTYCD tomorrow night?

oh no.  the medicines.  they are coming for me again.

Wouldn’t you know it, two days before SYTYCD I get all sick. I spent over a month in the studio around countless dirty little rugrats… I mean, we had pig flu, regular flu, you name it… and I get felled by the common cold days after my “last day.”  Felt it coming last night, and woke up this morning with my lungs full of crap, and the right side of my face shut down.

So if you’re one of the bazillion people I know going Thursday night, don’t think badly of me if 1) I don’t acknowledge you when you speak to me (because my ears are all clogged up), 2) you say hi and I cough all over you, and/or 3) I look just generally unhappy to be there, no matter who I’m with :\

Believe me, I’m attacking this with everything.  alkaseltzer, rest, vitamin c… and I even had one of those infamous acupuncture appointments today (today’s “did you know” is that your knee represents your nose… your foot your chin, and your upper thigh your eyes).  yeah, whatever.

and for those of you that figured out the big ol’ Lamz tease a post or two down (including Amy “Chris, Wipe The Cat!” W.), we’re in the process of relaunching the Lamz website.  details on the very first page.

we’re even putting together a blog for it… so now I’ll have two blogs to never post on.  It’s not all done and up yet, but you can still click around it here.

until the next time.  rest & fluids my friends.

From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 12:17 PM
Subject: Vickie’s address

 I got an e-mail this morning from Doris Jean saying Vickie had asked her to send me her address.  I guess that is a hint that she wants whatever games you have for Devin.  If you have some, I will pick them up the next time I am there.  Isabel and I will be going to the bank later this week.  Supposedly a check is in the mail for bedbugs that Dad sent out about a month ago and when it gets here, we will take it to the bank along with another one that he got yesterday.

Mom

____________________________________________________

From: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 12:22 PM
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Vickie’s address

 i have quite a few games I’m sure he can have.  even a couple still wrapped that I will never play (yeah yeah i don’t wanna hear it

 jason

____________________________________________________

From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 12:35 PM
Subject: RE: Vickie’s address

 Are they age appropriate?  I think he is 11 or 12.

____________________________________________________

From: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 12:52 PM
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Vickie’s address

 i do not have any pornographic xbox games.  but thank you for asking.

 jason

____________________________________________________

From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 1:03 PM
Subject: RE: Vickie’s address

I was speaking of “violence” dumbo!  I thought they were rating games as to violence.