Remember the killing of the rabbit?

well turns out that shit did come back on me. fourfold.

I haven’t had a such a shitty week of trading in like 1 1/2 years. I don’t think I did one thing right last week. Every trade I put on bit me in the ass… and of course one thing I shorted (bet would go down), gets a takeover bid tonight and is gapping up 12 points tomorrow. fun fun.

I am attempting to rectify this karma.

no lie, I spent friday morning finding, and donating to, rabbit charities. Not only did I throw some money the SPCA’s way, but I also donated to something called the House Rabbit Society, complete with rabbit.org website. Let’s hope after I close out the remainder of last week’s trades that it’s over. for good.

* my mom has a habit of dropping off the most random things to me. Sometimes she goes overboard, like today, when she dropped off like 8 boxes of pizza rolls and 7 celeste pizzas… just because I like them (and apparently will be eating nothing but them for the next 2 weeks).

but last week took the cake. These are the four very unrelated things she delivered to me last Thursday (keep in mind the date, february 25th, it’s important):

1) one loaf of wheat bread
2) a package of baby wipes (for parm)
3) one breakfast sandwich
4) a yard stick.

sandwich posing with the yardstick...

wth?! it gets better. look closely at the sell by date on that egg & sausage REFRIGERATED sandwich. March 14th!!!

What unholy sandwich, with an egg on it no less, can be kept for almost 3 weeks (and no telling when it was actually made)???

I’m asking for it if i eat that thing. i believe we will for sure be calling that a colon-cleansing day.

indeed it is American Idol.

Any hope that the boys would be better than the girls tonight was quickly squashed. ‘Shitastic’ is the adjective that comes to mind.

I have never fast forwarded thru a live show of AI so quickly as tonight. One, count it, ONE performance was decent. And that was cuz the guy sang the song (Heaven) properly and mostly in tune.

And the two words best to describe Simon are “Lame duck.” Kinda like how a president in his final year of his second term of office just sits around and waits for the next guy to be sworn in… that’s what you can tell Simon is doing. This is his farewell tour and he can’t wait for X-factor to start.

Granted, tonight he was A LOT closer to his old form (meaner) than last night. Kudos for (and you could see this coming) congratulating the one dude (blog title) for being a replacement addition to the top 24… and then telling him to enjoy it cuz he’s pretty much on the way back out.

Ellen was still the same ditz. She tried to loosen up and critique people a bit more tonight… but that doesn’t mean a damned thing if you end it every time with “But that was great.” moron. Instead of making no sense, just go back to making jokes funny woman. You added a lot more to the show then.

This season is looking like a bust. But I probably say that every year, and 2 months from now I’ll be blogging about how I want the GBer (glass blower) to win it all and that I want her to have my emo babies.

* And I almost didn’t get the Instant Analysis post up tonight, as I made my long awaited return to Lamz tonight. I’m taking on a lot more administrative crap in the coming days, and had to get things ready for what will be a weekly Saturday appearance at the studio.

If Parm is good, I’ll take him for an R-I-D-E there from time to time.

* oh, and I ran over a rabbit on the way home tonight (( that HAS to be 4x of bad luck. Looking for a rabbit charity to donate to ASAP!

Ok, this is one of those “I just had to throw something up quickly” posts.

‘throw up’ might be the key.

american idol was such a horrible awful waste of a show tonight.

simon didn’t look like he even wanted to be there. like he was nervous and just wanted to hurry up and move on to his X-factor show (with no age limits, i can audition for!).

ellen is the drizzling shits of a judge. worse than paula. she added zero to the show. and i think she only really liked one of the blonde girls because she wanted to go all lezbo on her.

and what happened to putting hot girls in the top 12? sure i expect the one or two ugly busted up teeth girls like harmonica girl…. but geez, there’s usually at least one ridonkulously hot girl, awful singer or not.

that said, I wouldn’t kick katie stevens out of bed (although legally I guess I’d have to since she’s, ummm, 17), and i would absolutely DO the glass blowing chick… but only when she’s singing, and because she has hot eyes. take away the mic and she’s just some other terrible hair dyed half emo chick. but she’s my new fav. for now.

worst performance of the night? Haley Vaughn. and yes, I had to look that up. I will just remember her as the black chick in the white lacey dress that sang like crap, and while the song escapes me now, I’m glad they announced what it was because I couldn’t understand a word she butchered sang.

best? tossup between the (glass) blower, and katie stevens (did the judges even listen to the same performance?).

Don’t tell me I’m going to have to root for a boy. Think simon is feeling good about his “it’s a girl’s year” statement?

Thanks to my gutter guards being nothing more than sloped steel, I had a quadrillion icicles (yes, had to look up how to spell them, and it still doesn’t look right). So many in fact that it looked like a frozen waterfall at times.

Meet Stanley. the Stalactite (another word i had to look up).

Stanley started with humble beginnings just over my tv/living room window of my home:

Stanley as a newborn.

But soon, Stanley began to grow. And grow.

baby stanley at night.

teenage fat assed stanley at night.

almost touching the ground if you look close.

cool "from the bottom view"... from about 6 inches off the ground. he looks so.... thin.

I knew I had a monster on my hands, when on the final day of his life, the guys that remove snow from my driveway came by after storm #83871. I looked out, and there was one guy, taking a picture.

I did what any reasonable person not obsessed with a stupid icicle would do. I grabbed my camera, and asked him to take a shot of me posing with stanley:

Me 'n Stanley.

Stanley was so big at this point (that’s what she said!) that they actually plowed around him. By this point he was mere inches away from touching the ground. After I had my photo taken, I turned to the guy taking the pic and said, “want me to get a shot of you with it (him)?” He quickly said yes.

But it wasn’t to last. Stanley had to come down. Poor Stanley. He never saw the shovel coming. He touched the lives of many (ok, two people, me and the guy shoveling).

RIP Stanley Stalactite (2010-2010).

I know what you’re thinking.  What the hell jason?  a trillion feet of snow, i know your lazy ass has nothing to do.

oh contraire.  I’ve been crazily busy with work and updating/closing Lamz for the past week.  no snow days for me as long as I have the internets.

we had to close Lamz for the entire week.  but my biggest coup was getting Lamz listed as closing on not only WJZ13’s website, but on the tv as well:

clever I am.  nothing like a little free advertising.

Unfortunately, I was not the only clever business owner out there.

When you call, you always get an intern… some interns put your closing up, some don’t…. so it becomes a game.  You also have to gauge the right time to get your listing up.  Call too early, and they’ll tell you to F off cuz they’re only listing county schools and colleges.  Call too late, and you’ll get your listing up, but only for a couple hours until they flip to closings for the next day.

I found that 10am was a good time to call.  Sometimes I’d have to call back an hour later to get someone else, but it usually wasn’t a big hassle.

This worked well Monday and Tuesday.  But by tues night, I noticed the list of closings was getting ridiculously long.  and wjz knew it.  there were soooo many tiny businesses listed as closed… martial arts schools, one-location restaurants… it was bad.

so when I called in wednesday, i got the usual internish person, and with confidence (that’s the key), told him I was reporting a closing.

me: “yeah hey I want to report a school closing.”
him: “sure no problem, and you’re all set up with us?”
me:  “uhhh, yeah.  Lamz Dance Center.  You had us up Monday and Tuesday.”
him: “ok, closing tonight?”
me:  “yeah, closing tonight and tomorrow.”
him:  “k.  what’s your password?”
(shit, he had me by the balls)
me:  ” ummmm… snowmageddon?”
him: “. . .”
me:  “uhh, we’ve never had to give a password before… you guys put us up on Monday and Tuesday no problem.”
him:  “yeah.  I’ll see what I can do.”
(click… as he hangs up on me)

so much for that brilliant idea.

more snowposts later.

* I (almost, but not quite) take back all the years I swore at the Anne Arundel County School Board or whomever makes the decision when to close schools.  Yesterday morning we had a call for 1 to 3 inches of snow to start between 2 and 5pm.  Problem is, Lamz opens at 5.  And if Saturday was any indication of how well they salt/plow roads, it could be messy.

As of noon, we were set to open, but the forecast had changed to 2 to 4 inches.  By 12:30, they upped it to 4 to 6 inches… and we made the call to close.

Of course, at 5pm I walk outside… no snow, bright sun, birds chirping, and a steady stream of water dribbling off of my house.

6pm, still nada.  Nervewracking.  By this point, Brandifer and I are praying for snow.  It finally started between 7 and 8, saving us from looking like total idiots.  I imagine we’ll hear some shit from a parent or two.

By 8:30, the road in front of my house had been salted 5 times (and yes, I counted… not hard to hear/see a truck coming with the huge assed blinking yellow lights).  I got up this morning and all the streets including the side streets were clear and black.  I’d be pissed if I had actually had a job I could call out of.  Hows about that 30 inches they’re saying could happen this weekend?  eeks.  As long as I can make it the four streets over to the super bowl party, I’m fine with it.

* I’m only looking forward for one reason, and one reason only, to watch this season of I-almost-died-as-a-child-and-now-i’m-a-single-parent Idol.

Tourettes + Live TV =’s Win.  Let’s all hope that dude makes it through hollywood week and drops some awesome F-bombs on air!  Can you imagine the signs in the audience too?

“Go Dave Mother F’n Bastard Cunt Whore Pittman!!”

“I (fucking cocksucker) Love You (asshole) Dave!!”

so many possibilities….

more mom emails.  my mommy made a funny.  I guess my dad (see accident post below) decided to venture out Saturday in the snow to pick up some free… mason jars.  for bugs.  Well turns out they weren’t so free afterall… as he ended up having to pay a tow truck $75 to get his car unmounted from humping the hill at the end of the driveway:

—– Original Message —–

From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Sunday, January 31, 2010 1:41 PM
Subject: Tow truck on the way

Dad called for a tow truck and it should be here in 45 minutes or so.  If they can get it out easily, it will be $75 cash.  We now have the $75 Mason jars to go with the $70 mouse.

Mom

From: Jason 
Sent: Sunday, January 31, 2010 1:44 PM
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Tow truck on the way

$70 mouse?  i forget that story.

From: Mom
To: Jason
Sent: Sunday, January 31, 2010 1:46 PM
Subject: RE: Tow truck on the way

When Dad was doing some experiment and taking blood from mice, he always wanted to return the mice to where he caught them.  When he went to return the one mouse, he got his truck stuck (the black Nissan) and had to walk for about a mile (no cell phone in those days) and get a wrecker to get him out.

So there you have it.