I have survived the Insanity. Today was day 5. Super Power Uber Cardio or some shit. SeanT scared the shiat out of me when at the end of warmup and stretching he said he was “really really nervous” about today’s workout. gulp. Yesterday was the “resting” dvd. Resting my ass.

But a milestone came today when I finally made it through the WARM UP without having to take a break. I went downhill from there, but baby steps.

I finally caught up on SYTYCD. Granted, I had to completely skip the auditions, and only caught the last episode of vegas week. But I consider myself up to speed (and yes, I completely skipped over that stupid “we’re going to visit you and tell you if you made it or not” hokey episode).

Much love to the producers for the all stars… it’s like a wet dream.

I mean, they brought back three of my favs:

-Lauren
-Courtney (just sick sick hot now)
-and that vulcan looking biatch Kathryn who I want to bang while telling her to live long and prosper.

And Allison. who is she? I might have to go back and watch season 2.

Now the contestants… meh. not so much love. Although Lauren (the blonde) is doable, and Ashley (lyrical) looks ridonkulously hot 90% of the time, and fat the other 10%.

death to cristina the one wearing a retainer or invasalign or whatever. I guess they had to have a throwaway contestant.

And despite what you may think, I absolutely could not stand the asian chick. She said she was a lakers girl and I about gagged. How annoying she is. Thank you for kicking her out first.

As far as talent… since ya know I’m like an expert on all that shiat now haha, the dancers are incredible this year.

And it’s surreal seeing tWitch on stage. Just a few short months ago we were hanging out in Bmore while I fed him a steady diet of Jack & Crans.

I’m trying to figure out who to bring in to Lamz this fall. I’m already gonna bring Brandon back the end of summer to work with my comp kids… barring someone just taking off this season, I’m leaning towards Courtney. Sick of flying sausages out here.

Technically, I’m supposed to be on vacation right now (vegas). BUT. I decided to take my paltry few weeks off I have after the Lamz showcase to renovate and put a frickin’ $30k floor in. You’re welcome you little brats.

But it’s not all bad; when I’m not chasing down contractors I catch up on my tv (i know you’re dying to hear my opinions on sytycd), and my ever growing blu-ray collection (here’s how bad it is… I finally watched “Wanted” the other day… which came out like 8 years ago).

However, stupid jason decided that after watching one too many infomercials, he’d get that Insanity DVD workout set.

Yesterday, which we will now refer to as WTHWIT-Day (What the hell was I thinking day), was day one.

All it was was was a warmup, and then a fitness test… something you’re supposed to do every 2 weeks to see how much you’ve improved. 10 minute warmup, then eight one-minute exercises (that you keep track of how many reps you do).

Well here’s the little problem. After exercise four, I found myself puking. 4realz. like over the toilet bowl full on gusher of the gatorade and whatever else I drank before i started. I managed to pull a puke ‘n rally and finished it out.

Today was day two. The first “real” dvd of workouts. Today’s (40 lick my nuts minute) dvd was titled “Plyometric Cardio Circuit.” Oh F me.

I played it smart though, and did pretty much only every other exercise. All in all, I really only did maybe 25% of the damned thing. Let me tell you how bad it was.

(How bad was it Jason?)

It was sooooo bad that of the dozen or so people behind (lazy assed) Sean T (the fitness guru who never actually does the whole workout himself), people were dropping out. On his own damned dvd! His hired people!

One dude even got up in the middle of it and waved his hands in disgust like “screw this” and then went and got water.

This is the only thing keeping me coming back for more tomorrow… the soap opera aspect. Will the guy 3rd from right return? Will he bring a gun and cap Sean T? Will he be on life support and saved by a brain transfusion from an unlikely donor? Will he die but his evil twin will return in his place, with no one the wiser while he plots the downfall of all Infomercial Workout DVDs?

Stay tuned for the next episode of….. INSANITYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Countdown to Lamz showcase is like 8 days… All friends & families are invited… and if you can’t make the show, at least come to the (open bar) after (open bar) party (open bar) at (open bar) the (open bar) studio. I even got face painters, caricature artistis, magicians and shit at this thing!

My bro’s bday is tomorrow. So imagine my surprise when I picked up Parm and got home today to find his gift in a box at my door. so much for carefully planning out delivery of it.

While normally I’d be excited for the school year to end with the showcase on the 13th and get a much deserved break (or vacation!), I’m doing some renovations in the short 3 week break we have at the studio… so yeah, back to work on the 15th. bullocks (trying to capture the british viewers).

9 days until the Lamz showcase. which means i’m spending all day and night at the studio. parm got evicted to my rents the past couple days… i guess i’ll pick him up sunday, before shipping him back thursday.

and i will finally get my tv back next tuesday. about damned time. the little red light on the dvr that says it’s recording stopped mocking me a couple days ago… i can only hope i have 50 episodes of judge judy to watch when i hook it back up.

get this, the old neighbor behind me, who thinks i absolutey hate her (might be some truth in that), told chelsea the latest reason: because i won’t even look in her windows at her. the nerve i have! apparently, she says that she stares at me when i take the dog out, and i won’t bother looking in to see what she’s up to. ummmm… sorry you old bag that i’m not a peeping jason. i mean, if you were like 20 and hot, sure, let me get out the telescope… but, you’re not. so i’ll just avoid any and all contact (eye, or otherwise) that I can. K?byebye

speaking of Chels, the other day she was on a mission cleaning the house all crazy-like, and i notice a couple old well dressed dudes walking around outside with clip boards.

“Jehovah’s Witnesses” I screamed… “they’re alllll you.” and i bolted back to the confines of my office, dog in tow.

Sure enough, knock knock ring ring, and they’re at the door. I told her to tell them she was cleaning my house and didn’t live here. But of course, Chelsea, friendly to every last human and bug on the planet, can’t just tell them to leave… instead she starts listening to every word they had to say. And every opening she got to tell them to scoot, she’d actually ask a question. i mean, wtf?!

Thinking quickly, and knowing I was dressed in super bum clothes including a ratty tshirt and sweats, I grabbed the nearest cleaning tool thingamajobber I could find… one of those crooked necked toilet bowl cleaner bottles, and made my way to the door.

“Hey, we’re on the clock! We gotta get this house cleaned,” I said as I shook the blue liquid containing bottle at them.

for some reason the old guys bought it. they said “oh sorry, we know you’re on the clock, so can we leave this literature?” which of course chelsea gladly took , and they were on their way.

and on an aside, i actually managed to buy a miley and a justin beaber (beeber? beiber??) song in the same day (i swear I didn’t know he was featured on the track). shoot me.