Toaster Follies
This is one of those “you have way too much time on your hands Jason” posts. The other day I was toasting some bread, and I left it unattended. I came back, and it was taking forevs, so I paniced when I realized that the knob had been turned on the front from my usual setting. end result, burnt toast.
But the dial was only turned to 4…. and I usually keep it at a setting of 2 1/2 (out of 7 total settings). My two brain synapses left fired at once, and I figured, well, if 4 is bad, why the hell does it go to 7???
After a quick trip to get a loaf of white bread, we now have this blog.
exhibit A is the controller of my toaster. Notice, the dial goes from 1 to 7. And there are settings for frozen, bagel, etc. This rules out the “you big dummy, it goes to 7 for frozen shit like eggos.” It clearly has a toast button, and I used that setting, and that setting only, for my little experiment.
7 settings. clearly pressed "toast" button.
so on to the fun. In order, I toasted a slice of bread, from 1 thru 7, and plated it next to the dial. Somewhere between 2 and 3 is where I like my toast.
setting 1. still as white as me.
setting 2. getting there.
setting 3. good toast.
setting 4. getting crispy.
- setting 5. Houston, we have a problem.
It was at this point that the toast started to burn. literally burn. I had to move the toaster under the oven hood and turn on the fan.
- setting 6. wtf. who likes toast this way?
my house was now filled with smoke. Realizing the vent wasn’t doing the job good enough, I debated finishing up the final setting outside. Instead, I trudged forward.
- on it’s way to 7. the pic doesn’t do the smoke justice.
smoke was billowing out of the toaster. I was nervous. I opened up doors and turned on the fan while it was still toasting. I waited anxiously for the ADT smoke alarm to go off, instantly calling the fire department. At this point, I was screaming at the toaster “come on you mother fucker! Hurry up!” I expected flames any minute.
- setting 7. why?
It finally ejected the burnt carcass of the wonderbread. I still cannot to this day fathom why the dial goes to 7. I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if I had the “frozen” button tagged (another blog perhaps?).
